“When you find yourself cocooned in isolation and you cannot find your way out of darkness… Remember, this is similar to the place where caterpillars go to grow their wings.” — Necole Stephens

Butterflies are often used to symbolize remembrance and hope for those who are grieving. Butterfly memorial gardens allow you to have a quiet and serene place to honor a loved one in the beauty of nature. This blog will discuss tips for starting a memorial garden, decorations to be placed in one, the types of flowers and plants that attract butterflies, and how to use the space to bring comfort during difficult times. When we lose a loved one, we often worry their memory will slip away week by week. Creating a grief garden as a way to memorialize them and maintain their memory is a great way to honor their life.

A memorial garden is simply a dedicated space incorporating nature to honor and remember a person who is no longer with us. Butterflies symbolize transformation, the cyclical nature of life and death and hope in new life and experiences. So a butterfly memorial garden simply brings those two ideas together. Scientific research shows a variety of health benefits of gardening. Just a sampling from the Mayo Clinic include:

• Increased exercise
• Improved diet
• Time in nature
• Reduced stress levels
• Social connection

Being part of the life cycle of plants can feel empowering. There is so much about death and loss that leaves us feeling powerless. Making a plan for grief that includes gardening can bring a sense of control, offering reassurance. For those walking through grief, watching new life grow can bring joy and comfort. When working in the soil, studies show cytokine levels rise, which activates serotonin, the “feel good” hormone. Basically, dirt makes you happy! One study showed daily gardening may help reduce the risk of dementia by 36%, because gardening stimulates the brain. There is no question, gardening is good for the soul and the body. Incorporating butterflies into a garden is a great idea, as many people feel a connection to their loved one when they see a butterfly. 

A butterfly garden can be any size: a few potted plants in a sunny spot on your apartment balcony, a small garden bed behind your condo, or a large garden behind your house. Butterfly gardens do not need to be big because butterflies actually prefer scattered groupings of “butterfly plants” rather than one large open space. You can choose to incorporate more nectar-producing flowers in an existing garden to lure in additional adult butterflies or you can create a specific garden that utilizes plants chosen for their value to both adults and caterpillars of selected species.

It’s important to create a welcoming environment to entice butterflies to stay around long enough to lay eggs for a new generation. By providing basics like food, water, and shelter, butterflies have a great chance of reproducing and staying nearby. According to the experts at Garden Design:

1. Make a plan: Determine which species you want to attract and are most likely to be in your area. Make a list of plants that will support those particular butterflies. Choose a suitable area for the butterfly species you choose. 
2. Provide food: Adult butterflies rely solely on liquid food sources. They drink through a long tubular tongue that uncoils to sip liquid. In addition to flower nectar, they also consume tree sap, pollen, fallen fruit, and animal dung. Butterfly larvae have chewing mouthparts and feed on leafy food plants such as milkweed foliage, parsley, and fennel. 
3. Create shelter: To protect butterflies, incorporate trees and nearby shrubs that can provide a windbreak and a place out of the rain. These plants will also give places for butterflies to roost at night or hide from predators. 
4. Offer water: Shallow puddles or moist sandy areas work well, which are preferred water sources for butterflies. Set out a birdbath or plant saucer filled with water and rocks where butterflies can perch. Place in a visible spot and change water frequently.
5. Keep it sunny: Butterflies are cold-blooded insects that will be less active on colder mornings. Locate your butterfly garden in a part of your yard or patio that receives at least 6 hours of sun each day. Make sure there’s a spot where sunlight hits early in the day so butterflies can warm up quickly. Pavement, rocks, or exposed soil will absorb heat, providing additional warmth.
6. Plant in groups: Arrange the same plants or seeds in groupings of 3-5 so that butterflies can more easily spot the larger swaths of color.
7. Go organic: Don’t use chemical fertilizers or pesticides, as they can harm butterflies and other wildlife.

As you plan out your butterfly garden, look for intentional ways to incorporate special remembrances as a way to honor your loved one. Laurelbox offers a number of beautiful memorial gifts for gardens. Obviously, start with the custom butterfly garden seed packet. The seed mix includes native wildflowers, garden flowers, and milkweeds which supply nectar and sources for adult butterflies and includes both annual and perennial seeds. One review of the seed packet reads: “This personalized seed package took our gift to the next level. In combination with the Memorial Wind Chime, my friend said it brought her to tears of gratitude, feeling grateful that her deceased parent was being honored and would forever be present in the garden. Thank you Laurelbox.” This is why we do what we do! Other memorial garden gifts could include: custom garden stakes, engraved stones, gardening gloves and personalized wind chimes. Incorporate a memorial bench or other seating option so you can sit and watch the butterflies. I personally love the benches Grandin Road sells and you could add a small engraved plaque to dedicate the space and include your loved one’s name. Then choose a customized wind chime and you have a special spot to sip tea while getting some Vitamin D and letting memories wash over you. 

We hope this blog has been helpful in explaining what a butterfly memorial garden is, why butterflies are meaningful in the grieving process as well as offering tips to starting a butterfly garden. Profound grief changes us, for better or for worse. Finding ways to remind us of our loved ones helps us process our grief and move us forward, step by step. Being out in nature, experiencing life cycles of plants and animals and the promise and reliability of a new day, can all help us grieve.