Mother’s Day can be a deeply emotional time for bereaved mothers. Honoring a child’s memory during this difficult season can help in managing grief. This blog will discuss special ways and ideas to honor a child’s memory on Mother’s Day while encouraging mothers to care for themselves during this spring season. Did you know one of the reasons Johanna and Denise founded laurelbox was because they walked alongside friends whose children passed away? They saw a need for beautiful thoughtful ways to honor a loved one and encourage grieving women. 

Ahhhhh, Mother’s Day. The second Sunday in May is a boom for businesses. According to the National Retail Federation, 84% of Americans plan to celebrate Mother’s Day in some fashion. Whether it’s greeting cards, flowers, or lunch out, it would be almost impossible to miss the marketing surrounding the holiday. Which means if you are grieving a child and the calendar turns to May, you might just want to crawl into bed and not emerge until mid-month. If you are in this precarious position, please know that we at laurelbox see you. I know what it’s like when your stomach is in knots just thinking ahead to what the day might look like. I understand the feeling of “Why me??” when friends and family post pictures with their smiling children and all you want to do is hold your sweet child one more time. You aren’t alone. I recently read an essay entitled “When you’ve lost a child, Mother’s Day is Memorial Day.” How true that is. One line struck me, “There is no English word for a parent whose child has died, no equivalent of ‘widow,’ or ‘orphan.’ It’s as though we don’t exist.” What a powerful statement. If that applies to you, please know that you are not alone. Back in 2016, I wrote this post on Facebook:

As many of you might guess, this is a bittersweet Mother's Day. I thought I would celebrate being a mom to an almost-two-year-old and a one month old. But our plans aren't always God's.  

Instead of embracing the "bitter" this weekend -- 7 weeks after losing Cooper -- I'm choosing the "sweet". This week I have had such an awareness for the women out there who wish/pray/dream about becoming mothers but for whatever reason it hasn't happened yet. For all those women who haven't been able to get pregnant -- lost babies -- or who desperately want to be a wife and mom but the right person hasn't come along, I say thank you and you are seen. Hang in there. 

I'm so blessed to have a little boy who cries because I gave him exactly what he asked for or who can't ride in the car without throwing his shoes and socks into the most obscure crevices before we reach our destination. ;) I'm lucky - I'm a mom. 

So on this Mother's Day - I say cheers to the wife/cousin/friend/neighbor/teacher who is a great "mom" to all the kids she knows even as she desperately wants one of her own. Life is too short to dwell on the bitter rather than the sweet. Some days aren't easy though and it's GOD's grace (literally) that gets me from point A to point B. I'm still living the lyrics of a JJ Heller song: "I don't know what You're doing, but I know who You are."  He has a perfect plan for my life -- and yours. 

Much love and thanks for reading,

Lanna

Dear reader, You are seen. You are loved. You are valuable. And you have an entire community of people holding space for you on this Mother’s Day and beyond.

I have found that after losing a loved one, it’s important to have a plan when a holiday approaches. I was physically anxious and mentally exhausted leading up to the one year anniversary of losing Cooper, but I remember I thought ahead of time what I wanted the day to look like. And you know what? Once the actual day came around, it wasn’t that bad. The same might be true for a Mother’s Day spent grieving a child. There are a number of ways to honor your child’s memory that could bring moments of comfort and healing. In no particular order:

1. Say their name - This simple act can be powerful. Just having the freedom to say your sweet child’s name aloud and hear their name spoken by others is important. 
2. Share stories and pictures of your child - It’s okay to talk about your child! Go through old pictures and sit in the memories for a bit. Recall stories with those who knew him or her. 
3. Plant a memorial tree - We planted two weeping cherry trees shortly after we lost Cooper and they bloom every year around his birthday and bring me so much solace. 
4. Donate to a worthy cause - Whether it’s a 5K for cancer research, volunteering at your local church or serving food to those in need, we can find purpose through the pain. 
5. Support someone else grieving - Once you experience grief, you view it differently. If you know someone grieving, bring them a meal, send them a card or take them to coffee. Remember how meaningful it was to you when people reached out in big ways and small. 
6. Do something your child enjoyed - Spend a few minutes and think about an activity or food your child loved. That could be watching a basketball game, drinking bubble tea or sitting outside soaking up sunshine. 
7. Start a new tradition - It can be helpful on holidays like Mother’s Day or birthdays to lean into a new tradition that honors the legacy of your child. The tradition itself doesn’t matter so much as the hope of something new that ties in with the past. 
8. Write a letter to your child and save it to read next Mother’s Day - Writing down words is cathartic. Write a letter to yourself or your child and save it to read next year. You might be surprised how the tone of your letters change over the years. 
9. Light a candle in their memory - The physical act of striking a match and watching a candle burn can bring comfort. That’s why we created our Little Lights of Remembrance (more on that in the next section!) and so many other memorial candles. 
10. Give yourself grace and freedom to grieve however you need to - This piece of advice has been so helpful to me. Grief isn't linear and just because you had a great Mother’s Day last year, doesn’t mean your loss can’t hit you differently this year. And that’s okay. 

Let’s talk about some tangible Mother’s Day memorial ideas and gifts. Laurelbox was founded by women who understand grief and child loss and that’s evident in the carefully sourced and handcrafted memorial items. Be sure to check out our newest Mother’s Day collection. We are especially proud of our most recent curated gift, the “Light of an Angel” laurelbox. Inside is an Angel Wing Suncatcher + Rainbow Maker that can hang in a window and project tiny little rainbows across the room. The box also contains our new “Little Lights of Remembrance.” Every box contains 20 candles and each candle offers 20 minutes of intentional time and quiet reflection. Grab a journal, listen to some music and set aside time around this Mother’s Day to sit in the memories of your child. Another special Mother’s Day curated laurelbox is the “I Carry You in My Heart” box designed for mothers experiencing miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss. From custom wind chimes to butterfly gardens to memorial jewelry, there are so many special gifts meant to bring comfort to grieving women. 

We hope this blog brought awareness to child loss and the challenging environment bereaved mothers have to navigate in and around Mother’s Day. If you are someone dreading the second Sunday in May, know that you aren’t alone and we see you. Make a plan for the day and look for ways to honor your child’s memory whether that includes starting a new tradition or lighting a memorial candle. Check out the Mother’s Day collection at laurelbox to see if there is a specific gift that speaks to you as you or someone you love experiences Mother’s Day after loss.