Making a meal for someone who is experiencing grief is one of the most helpful sympathy gifts you can offer. Not having to plan a meal, shop for groceries, make the dinner and then clean the kitchen is a huge relief to anyone, but especially someone carrying the weight one does when they are bereaved. During a difficult time, taking the responsibility of food off someone's plate can be an immense help. This blog will offer ideas and suggestions for homemade foods, pre-made meal options, and even gift card meals to send to a loved one experiencing grief. We’ll touch on what types of food are appropriate, how and when to deliver, how much you should cook and even what dietary considerations to include. 

This may sound silly, but when we unexpectedly lost our second son Cooper at full term eight years ago, I felt like I was sitting at the bottom of a big bucket of sadness. High walls. Kinda damp and dark. Lonely. When someone is grieving, they usually experience the five stages of grief. Working through those stages of grief is really hard. There is no set timeline for how long each stage will last and you may experience them in a different order. Depending on the relationship with the person who passed away, survivors may be dealing with countless decisions, funeral planning, obituary writing, estate matters etc. The mental load that is required is overwhelming. In addition to the emotional stress, the family may also be running on little to no sleep, too much caffeine and too few vegetables. I can assure you, no one is thinking about “What to cook for dinner?” Which is why bringing meals to someone grieving is such a gift. 

Did you know there is a connection between food and friendship that dates back to ancient times. The phrase “breaking bread together” is as old as the Bible. There is a long tradition of offering food as a peace offering, gift, or sharing a meal as a way to reconcile. Core memories are often made over special family meals. For multiple reasons, food is an excellent sympathy gift. A meal is both practical and an act of love and gesture of support. So often in the days immediately following a death, life is a blur. Time seems to warp and it can feel like the movie Groundhog Day, living the same difficult day over and over but without Bill Murray lightening the mood. That’s why finding helpful sympathy gifts that are also meaningful can be challenging. However, look no further - food is at the top of the list! Now, you may be asking, “What food should I bring to someone who is grieving?” That answer depends on the person or family you are trying to comfort. Think through these questions before deciding what to bring: 

• How many people are at the house? Do they have guests in town? 
• Will they be going out of town for the funeral and would it be best to wait until their return? 
• Are there kids or picky eaters involved? 
• What are the dietary restrictions? Allergies or gluten issues? (I have a much deeper appreciation for families dealing with allergies. Our two-year-old daughter developed a severe tree nut allergy this past summer and landed in the ER. Now we have to be hyper careful for all food near her!) 
• Is there a favorite food or, on the flipside, a dish to avoid? 

As you think through these questions, if you don’t know all the answers, that’s okay! Whatever you do, please don’t bombarde the bereaved friend with an endless string of questions. If there is a mutual friend you could check with who might know their preferences, great! It’s also okay to send a quick text to the person letting them know what day and time you plan to drop a meal off and if there are any preferences/allergies to know about. If you don’t hear back, wait a day or two and then follow up. Remember, this is about what’s best for them. It’s on their timetable, not yours. 

Whatever you do, don’t skip bringing a meal to a grieving friend because you aren’t a “good cook” or don’t have time to prepare something homemade. There is nothing wrong with take-out! Find out their preferred pizza and drop it off on their porch. My husband’s favorite helpful sympathy gift was when a friend brought us sushi from our regular place! It truly is the thought that counts. There’s even a funny story that a few years ago, some friends we had at the time knew we were grieving the loss of our beloved mini Australian shepherd, Snickers. They kindly made a homemade key lime pie (a favorite, since we were married in Key West, Florida) and dropped it off. We took one bite from the perfect looking pie…only to spit it back out! Come to find out, this was their first key lime pie attempt and they didn’t realize including the bitter white rind in the preparation would make it taste awful! Even though the pie was inedible, we felt very loved and it also gave us a good laugh in the midst of a sad time. 

Gift cards are another really easy flexible way to send a meal to a grieving friend, near and far. The options are really endless. Grubhub, Doordash and UberEats all workv- though I can’t always stomach those high delivery fees! I’ve given Chick-Fil-A gift cards, Five Guys and especially Publix, the fabulous grocery store across the southeast. Those all can be sent digitally and take five minutes to order and deliver. A simple note reading, “We are thinking of you during this difficult time. Dinner is the last thing you need to worry about. We love you!” is all you need. 

Here are a few final ideas on food for grief and how to involve others. If you have a number of mutual friends like in a church small group, scouts troop or exercise class, consider organizing a meal train for the family. I have been on both the receiving end and giving end of meal trains and they are so helpful! Websites like Take Them a Meal, Mealtrain or even Sign Up Genius are easy ways to rally a community. I would recommend filling a two week span with date options of every other day or every third day. It’s easy to include allergy information, dietary preferences, address and contact information. One of the ways we felt most loved after losing Cooper was when my coworkers sent us two weeks worth of prepared meals that went directly into our refrigerator for the numerous days we didn’t feel like cooking. Add to that the Edible Arrangements people sent that offered healthy snacks for our toddler and we felt bright spots during a dark period. 

I hope this blog provides a variety of options for meals to send to those who are grieving. Homemade sympathy gifts, like baked goods or cozy lasagna, are wonderful ways to show a loved one you are thinking of them during a difficult time. Meals for grief, whether they be take out pizza, grocery gift cards or even a healthy snack board dropped off in this travel cutting board they get to keep (I use mine all the time), are practical ways to provide comfort and nutrition to a bereaved friend. You could also go the self-care Laurelbox route and choose herbal tea, honey lollipops and a bar of chocolate - that would be nice too! Make sure to look for ways throughout 2025 to provide tangible love and support to those around you who are grieving!