Helping your friend, partner or loved one through a loss is challenging in and of itself. However, helping a long-distance loved one through a loss can be even more tricky. Here are a few ways to figure out how to support a grieving long-distance partner or friend.

If you have someone you care about who lives far away and recently walked through loss, sending them a remembrance gift is such a thoughtful way to show you care and are thinking about them. Laurelbox offers a variety of remembrance gifts for those grieving. Speaking from experience, every time I have had the pleasure of opening a Laurelbox someone sent me, I felt loved and seen. Whether you choose a curated Laurelbox or pick out each item, the recipient will be encouraged. A few of my favorite things (please start humming “These are a few of my favorite things…” for all you Sound of Music lovers) are the gorgeous feather wind chimes (mine hang right by the front door), any of the Christmas ornaments since holidays are especially tough, and the Shining Bright birthday candle.

Think about your loved one you want to encourage and support long-distance. Do you know their love language? If not, you can read up on the five love languages and determine which category they fall into (or ask them!) Show them love in the way they like best. Quality time? Plan an extended FaceTime session when you both have snacks and your favorite drink close by and it will almost be like you are hanging out in person. There are also streaming platforms that allow Group Watch sessions so you can even watch your favorite show “together.” Have a friend who falls under the “words of affirmation” umbrella? Write a snail mail card full of reasons why you love them and want to support them during this time. As someone who feels loved by encouraging words, I bet they’ll keep that card for years to come!

We’ve already given ideas for someone who appreciates gifts. For an “acts of service” friend, consider going to see them (more on that below) or put together a picture book of photographs they’d love that also include the loved one they are grieving. A lasting memento of your thoughtfulness! For that loved one who feels appreciated by physical touch, if you can’t go in person to comfort them, send something physical that they can hold on to. Warmies is a brand that sells wellness items (in addition to adorable stuffed animals that my children love!) that are lavender scented and can be heated up in the microwave. Some soft booties and a neck wrap might be the next best thing to a warm hug for your friend! Just remember, don’t try and use your love language on them. Discover how they feel loved and be creative! 

Grief is a hard beast to tame. Don’t be offended if they don’t want to talk right away. They might just be exhausted from managing “the business” of death and even responding to texts can feel draining.

If they are ready for visitors, and would appreciate the company, consider jumping in the car or hopping on a plane to go visit. Trust me, they’ll feel overwhelmed with love. They might need help around their house or with funeral arrangements. Support of a loved one can be very needed and they might not even realize how much they could use the additional help.

We lost our second son Cooper unexpectedly in the delivery room in March of 2016. We miscarried another son just eight months later. A week after we lost the baby at 11 weeks, my cousin Stephanie cashed in her Southwest points and flew halfway across the country to support me. She cooked, baked, played with our then-2-year-old and took our minds off the losses if only for a few days. I’ll never forget that she took the time to leave her husband and young kids to come and cheer us up.